Dog Medicine

When the Man waked up he said, ‘What is Wild Dog doing here?’ And the Woman said, ‘His name is not Wild Dog any more, but the First Friend, because he will be our friend for always and always and always’ – Rudyard Kipling

"A dog can’t change the world but they can change your world. And if each of us can pass along even a fraction of the unmitigated, world changing love we receive from our dogs, maybe we can see about that whole changing the world thing"
~Will from Will and Mr. Eko.

I still feel the profound loss of my beloved soul companion Jazmine. No, she has not appeared to me in a dream yet, (I'm still waiting) but I feel her love every now and then during moments of loneliness, heartache or struggle. Her gentle presence says, "I love you Mom", and I can exhale and not feel so alone in those moments.

I still reach down by my leg for Jazmine while I am reading or studying or watching a show, and feel the impression of her beautiful imprint she left by my side. I feel into the imprint to see if I can feel her - her warmth, love, support and yes, her goofiness. What a personality she was, and proud of it.

How does one process the loss of a companion, of any loss in life?

Why do we say, "Get over it," "It's been long enough, move on".

Why would we want to "move on" from having loved so profoundly, so deeply? What does that even mean? What does that do for one's heart?

We need to trust in the process of love and of grief.

We can only do this by being present for each other, in any stage that another may be.

Boosie is now present for me. He entered our lives 2 years ago, when Jazmine was growing visibly old at 13. His relationship with her was profoundly special. He offered her his love, his companionship and his heart in ways that only a dog could. He also offered her his love of play. She played hard with him during the last few years of her life. I feel that because of him, she lived longer and with more joy in her heart. Jazmine's four legged companion gave her a connection with her own kind. It is what she needed after giving so much of herself to me.

Boosie is now with me - my companion, who grieved with me, the loss of my Jazmine, and his favorite and only four legged companion. He too has a feeling of loss, a loss that only a dog can feel with the loss of one of their kind.

Now we are forming our own sacred bond, one where I never take a day with him for granted. Each day that I am with this little dog -who has a HUGE capacity for love - is sacred. He is helping me heal, one day at a time. He is helping me remember the great times with Jazmine. He is reminding me each day, that I am still loved.

He is now my companion.

Our country has a palpable and profound loneliness within it. In some profound way, my Jazmine, and now Boosie have and continue to teach me what it feels like to feel connected and loved.

For a sensitive, this is a profound gift.

We can and should do this for one another...again (as we did not too long ago). Like Boosie and Jazmine, we need to be there for our own kind as well.

Maybe then in some heart filled way, our lives can again be shaped by love.

People say they don't need relationships, they are self-sufficient, they are self-sustaining.

I feel this is a fallacy.

We DO need to feel witnessed, loved and supported.

Relationships do that for each one of us. Pushing that aside like many do, creates needless loss and pain.

To be felt and witnessed is the greatest gift of all.

Thank you Jazmine and Boosie for your profound and sage teachings on love.

The Power of Bearing Witness

I have been seeing a patient, who I will call Ann, for 10 years.  She is a therapist who is a gentle and sensitive soul.  I can only imagine the gentle yet powerful space she is able to hold for her clients.  As she bears witness to the many facets of their lives, they have a powerful witness to their process.  They have her love, guidance, expertise and strong arms that hold them through their journeys. They are fortunate to have her in their lives.  With the space she holds they know they are not alone.

I saw Ann the other day when she needed me to bear witness to her process.  She had to hold space for a mother who had lost her daughter.  She was not sure what to say to this mother to help her pain.  It rattled her to her core.

As I sat with her and held space for her, all I could do is bear witness to her process. I told her that the most powerful gift she could give the grieving mother was her presence.  Bearing witness is a gift we can offer each other at any time.  In a world that is moving at warp speed, it is easy to forget that we matter.  Since we don’t live in communities like we once did that marked our passages and witnessed our lives, it is common to spend our milestones alone.  Once they pass, people get occupied again with their busyness and forget that we are in process.  When a person experiences a loss, the process through grief takes time.  It is important for them to be supported through its different stages.

Bearing witness is a sacred act.  It even changes the one who bears witness.  It deepens and fortifies one's soul.  It makes one trustworthy.

As a person’s grief transforms and shifts through its various stages, one gains access to the inner endurance that lives within.  The vacuum that is left in one's life is somehow filled with memories and a deeper level of wisdom.  This is an alchemical process.  The pain of loss never goes away, but it changes  form and also changes the greiver in profound ways. Without bearing witness, one could never experience the power of  Soul in process.

Many of us feel alone in our process.  This is not good for our health. We feel isolated. We may feel that our process is a burden on others.  Isolation is one of the most profound stressors on Earth.  Being witnessed, on the other hand, makes us feel like we matter.  Mattering is good for our health.  It makes our life worth living.

Mattering is a form of LOVE.

As a physician, I feel that bearing witness is the most sacred part of what I do each day.  Holding space and bearing witness to sometimes unbearable suffering deepens my heart and fortifies my soul.  It makes my patients feel that they matter, that their pain and suffering matters.  To be asked to bear witness for another is a profound honor.  Life presents us with so many ways to bear witness to each other every day. We must embrace these opportunities for loving.

Like Ann who will be changed forever by her witnessing, we must hold our strong arms around each other with open hearts. As Ann bears witness to a grieving mother, I bear witness to Ann.  Somehow, I feel that my arms are around her and this mother, all at the same time.  My heart is open to holding space for all of this.  For me it is a great honor and a blessing.

Making another feel like they matter also makes my life matter.  Isn't this ultimately what we are on Earth to experience? For me, this is one of the greatest forms of LOVE.